I wanna do what I wanna do!

Why is it that we all think it's such a challenge to get what we want in life? It can't be that hard. There are people out there that have it. And you know what? They didn't start off with a lot of money or business connections. Sure, the economy is bad and it takes two incomes to run a household and the nation is in debt, but chasing a dollar is not what I had in mind when I graduated from high school and set off to make my way in the world. My husband constantly tries to figure out a way to strike it rich, but it seems the only way to make it is to work hard, be passionate about what you're doing and have a financial strategy.

As I am approaching graduation, I have been struggling the last two years trying to decide what I want and how to get it. At the end of the day all that matters is family and the impact you had on the lives of others. I guess I'm lucky because those are the two things I want in life. I want a decent home with comfortable furnishings in a nice town with small-town mentality. I want a healthy family that loves each other and I want to make an impact on the lives of others through my art. (For now, I've decided to do this through photography and if it takes the form of painting later on, then great!)

Simple, right? I don't want much...the majority of the population has families and homes and careers. If they are unhappy, that's their mindset. Maybe they are looking to the wrongs things for happiness. I already have happiness in my life. I've been knocked down so many times financially and even though we struggle, I am blissfully happy. I love coming home to my husband. I love picking up after him. I love going to school and learning. I love the idea of what is to come in our life together. So, now that I've established that I'm happy and I have goals the idea is to figure out a way from point A to point B and still remain happy and enjoy every day as it comes.

My husband and I would ideally like to have a home before we bring children into this world. We want a stable life for our children and that seems like the first step. So, in order to attain my priority of having a family, we need to work towards getting a home. And the way to get a home is to 1. figure out where we want to live and 2. get some money together. We have no money for a down payment on a home at the moment, but we are working towards paying off our debts. In order to save for a home we need capital, which brings me to the launching point of this plan: my career.

I am starting my photography business. The equipment is expensive and we are sacraficing a lot to invest in my future, but if I do well with this venture, we will eventually be able to afford the things we are sacraficing right now (our honeymoon, new furniture, among other things.) I am determined to make this work. I have been learning and researching the business, I have already started networking and have a few portraits sessions set up already and I almost have my art degree, which will help tremendously.

I could go on about my business plans, but I won't. It will be slow to start and eventually I'll have a career on my hands. The point is I have been very confused the last few months about what I want to do with my art and I have finally made a decision. I'm positive it's the right one. And the way I know its the right one is because: 1. I'm good at it, 2. It's what I started out wanting for college (but got scared out of) and 3. I am so passionate about this.

The house and family will soon come in due time, but for now I feel like I have arrived at the precipice of my young adult life. I have struggled and fought with my mind and my heart for the last few years about my career choice and whether I wanted a career or not. I can be a good mom and still express myself artistically. I can be successful financially with something I am passionate about. And, what I have struggled with mostly: it is not important if I disappoint my art professors with my decision to pursue photography rather than painting. I am the one living with the decisions I am making today. Thirty years from now when I look back at this moment, I want to be able to say "I made the right decision. I went after what I wanted instead of trying to please someone that was a large influence in my life for a short time." This may serve as a slap in the face to my art mentors, but if they want to see me blossom as an artist, it is best that I pursue what I love and what I never get tired of.

It may seem as though this is a trivial matter: one's career choice, but as an artist, it is a huge decision. I yearn to express myself, I want to influence the lives of others, and mainly: I want to live a meaningful life. I want to be happy and at the end of the day be able to say that I do something I love, I am surrounded by people that I love and that I have made a life of wonderful memories for myself and for my loved ones. And now that I have recorded the anguish I have mentally and spiritually endured the last few years and come to a positive and actively engaging conclusion, I feel so much better. I have a plan. I have goals in my life and I will attain them.